Kota Metropolitan

Day #3

Hari  ni jadi driver mama. Ke Pullman KL untuk interview.
I dont know interview for what, but she needs to bring along her resume, files and all that.

apa ingat dah pencen pn tak kene interview? haaaa.

something I realize about myself, whenever I hang out with my mom, I can get in with older people very well.
I mingle with her friends like I mingle with my friends.
Pastu rasa macam, eyhhhh aku dah matang. haha

Coz before this I find myself hard to get along with older people.
I afraid my words might hurt their feelings, terlebih kurang ajar and so on....

well, they are human too. not perfect.
They might be wiser because of all experiences they have,
but still, they are HUMAN.
so, watlek watpis je. 

hrrmm, perjalanan mencari semangat, bagaimanakah?

one word. 

     SABAR      


sabar dengan dunia. sabar lawan nafsu. sabar dengan diri sendiri.
kuncinya hanyar sabar.

"dan kerana Tuhanmu, bersabarlah"

kalau rase nak memberang, bengang semnacam.
tarik nafas dalam2, ingat, kerana Allah kau kena sabar.
fuh, susah nak pupuk rasa sabar ni.
lagi tengah musim PMS ni, tengah hormon tak stabil,
betul2 menguji diri.
tapi ingatlah, segala usaha kita untuk bersabar,
InsyaAllah, Allah nampak, Allah kira.


maka ayuh, terus bersabar untuk istiqamahhh! :)


p/s : beselah drive tengah kl. driver sume mengundang carutan. betul2 menguji. fuh3.

Disentuh lagi

Day #2

a good start maybe. I manage to wake up early. n got to my office earlier than yesterday.
a good muslim should be better than yesterday, and a better tomorrow than today.

But still, got no job at my office. Its a chance for me to get well prepared for usrah tonight.

dah lama tak menyampaikan. dah lama tak bercakap. aku takut, mesej yang aku nak sampaikan, tak tersampai kerana penyampaian aku.
aku takut, mutarobbiku tersalah paham maksud aku.
Tapi, apa2 pun, semuanya urusan Allah.
Aku usaha untuk siap sedia, dan mengharap Allah melancarkan lidahku untuk berkata2, dan Allah memegang hati2 mereka untuk menerima ilmu.

yup. Malam ni ade usrah.
Usrahmate baru, tapi member lama bertahun2.
Dulu tak rapat sangat pun, tapi atas tujuan yang sama, cubit peha kiri, peha kanan terasa :')

Tapi sesi kali ni berbeza. berbeza dengan apa yang aku pernah berdepan sebelum.
Mereka betul2 membuka mata aku.
Kat luar sana, lebih ramai, berkoyan2 yang 'dying' (gila2 nak sangat) nak orang yang mengajak kebaikan.
Sebab manusia tu sendiri, fitrahnya sukakan kebaikan.

Instead of aku yang menyampaikan, kali ni aku lagi banyak mendengar, lagi banyak diingatkan, lagi banyak terima pengisian dari mereka.
Sepertinya Allah nak sedarkan aku, 
"wake up dude!! kau tu dah lama tidorrrr, jangan igt kau tu bagus sangat!!"

Dalam usaha mereka nak berubah, mereka sangat excited nak menyampaikan.
teringat macam waktu mula2 aku 'ditepuk' tarbiyyah.
seronoknya perasaan tu :')

Mungkin ini cara Allah tunjukkan jalan, untuk aku lebih usaha betul2 gila2 punya, nak cari balik semangat tarbiyyah yang tenggelam.
Mungkin belum tenggelam.
Cuma jalan aku dikaburi.
Sebab jalan DnT tak pernah mudah.
bengkang bengkok banyak duri banyak halangan.

Ya Allah, kuatkanlah aku. Tetapkanlah hati aku.
Dan hati2 mereka. Serta keluarga. dan sahabat2.


p/s : terima kasih tuan rumah. laksa sedap :)

Terkapai-kapai lagi mungkin

Day #1

Macammana? ok? ape jadi?

Firstly, mutabaah amal masih tak lengkap. berbolong2

*nangis laju-laju*

Dah set jam nak bgn awal, tapi last2 kelaut jugak.
pegi keje lambat.
old habit, hard to resist. takpe, teruskan usaha. esok kene bangun awal.
Completekan checklist iman :)

Pegi keje, tapi mengular.
Bos takde, client tak banyak mari. takde dateline.
takde pressure langsung. 
Tapi entah kenapa, Dhuha tak terbuat jugak

*hentak kepala dinding*

C'mon Ain!! Jangan manjakan diri sangat. Mengada.

Ni ade kisah,
masa lunch hour, singgah tadika little caliph sebab nak jumpa bos lama.
Ketuk2 pintu, budak kecik yang menyambut. Biasalah, diorg memang excited 24/7.
bila teacher bukak pintu,
terus ade sorg budak pompuan sambar kaki, peluk2 seronok.

dan aku, tergamam. Gulp.

Alahai, rindunye nak mendidik kanak2 tak berdosa ni.
Rindunya nak me'warna'kan hati kanak2 suci ni.
Teringat pengalaman2 lepas mengajar budak2 ni, 
penat? xyah cakap. Jaga lembu sekandang pun xsepenat jd teacher tadika.
tapi aku puas. Aku penat dan puas.
Aku tak banyak harta. Bukanlah bijak pandai nak menyumbangkan hasil2 kajian or idea2 bernas kengkonon.
Aku rase, mungkin dengan mendidik kanak2 tersebut, akan jadi salah satu medium utk aku membantu masyarakat secara tak langsung. 
Menjadi salah satu batu bata yang membawa diorang ke arah kecemerlangan.
Mencapai redha Allah pastinya.

Now I know where my hearts is.
Office work is so not my type.
I dont have so much passion in accountancy.
I like kids. No matter how annoying they can become, but they are innocent, sinless.
More noble than this sinful me.

And through them, I learn so much value in life.
When i teach them things, they actually teach me back. Indirectly.

I have few experiences with kids.
I've taught 7 and 8-year-old kids for few weeks.
Was a kindergarten teacher for 2 months.
Still, I never get tired and always looking forward to come back teaching, if there any chances.

:')


so, back to the topic, misi new resolution apecer?
Masih berusaha.
Better than yesterday insyaAllah.
Plus, tadi baru balik dari RI, jumpe akhawat kajang,
dapat semangat lain macam sikit :)

chayok2.

p/s : lepak RI, borak2. ingatkan sebaya, rupenye ramai adik2. rase tua sangat -,-

Masih mencari

for the time being, will not yet to post about my #100 wishlists part 2.

I will, InsyaAllah one day. But not now.
As I am still struggling to regain 'hamasah' (spirit : semangat) to live in this world in accordance with Allah's blessing.

It seems like I have lost myself,
since.... I dont remember, maybe 6 months ago. or more than that.

*gila lama futurism menjajah diri*

so, i've come into a new resolution.
Starting from now on, my journey to regain, retransform myself will begin.

*please pray for me, for my success*
I will try.
Try to post everyday, or every 2 days, or every 3 days, weeks, about my struggling to get myself out from all this futurism diseases.
It very dangerous you know.
Once you attach to it too long, kind of impossible to get yourself out from the situation.

There were at point where I actually fed up on myself. I gave up.
But Allah is The Most Merciful, He never left His slave alone.
Never.

He gave His blessings by sending me this nice people.
A person who is full of enthusiasm to change into a better muslimah.
Like how I used to, 3 years ago.
She reminds me of myself when I was about to fall.

ok. see ya later. Tra. :)

p/s : takdak idea kering habih dah -,-

#100 wishlists part 1

bile tahun baru, selalunye ade azam tahun baru.
naaahh,
boringlah azam2. tiap tahun azam baru.
yang lama xtercapai jugak.
di'brought forward' ke tahun depaaan jer.
sampai dah patut kene write off.
jadi bad debt mungkin.


tu diaaaa MFRS 999. gua yg cipta sendiri.
how to handle ur cumulative azam yg xtercapai2.

ok. stop about accounting. xder sape faham -,-

so, at this very moment of new year,
at this very late hour [0200am]
i'm thinking about making a 100 wishlists.
its time to think about your future, right.
i'm almost 22. no more gila2 main2 sana sini.
time to get serious about your life.

a logically achievable dream ok. not a fantasy one.
or else i would hopping that Hogwarts are existed.
 xyah sampai 100 wishlist.
that 1 fantasy dream is enough. haha


*see, berfantasi lagi. kanak-kanak lagi ni.
btw, i'm a sick lover of Harry Potter series. tq*

so, this is it....

#1 my own walk-in wardrobe.

#2 Canon DSLR 650D

#3 Umrah :') 

want to see, sujud right in front of Kaabah. would be beautiful indeed.

#4 get married before 25

#5 travel with bestie. to australia. or anywhere around the globe

#6 visiting Turki. melihat kesan keagungan Islam zaman dulu.

#7 kumpulkan balik semuaaaaa geng2 sekolah rendah. yg nasyid2 dulu tuuu.

#8 having my own kindergarten. 

This is mine and my sister's aim. Currently we have a land to build the building. The house not build yet. Masih kumpul modal. Modul utk anak2 murid dah ade. Please, do pray for us. Kami nak membina anak2 muslim yang qawiy. Islamic English kindergarten, Insyaallah. :)

#9 Build a house for my parents. and a maid. and we live next to their house. [we???]

#10 move and settle down in UK. 

ini impian sejak sekolah menengah yer. bkn sebab kene halau dengan menteri. haaaa, if u know what i mean.

#11 tengok adik berjaya. xkesah dalam apa saja bidang yg dia minat.

#12 Naza picanto

#13 Reti main gitar dgn jayanya

#14 belanja mak abah pegi vacation

#15 play tamborine again. dengan geng perkusi. rindunyaaa.

#16 ade geng handball

#17 keje, timba pengalaman kat audit firm

#18 whether being a CEO, or owning a business. bkn jenis yg biase terima arahan orang.

#19 buatkan teh tarik utk semua kawan2 yg saya kenal. 

cause thats what I do best. nikmat kurnia mmg utk dikongsi kan. itu je yg termampu :')

#20 semua album KRU yg pernah wujud. dan mawi

#21 pump shoes. and a pair of boots. oxford shoes.

#22 Own karaoke set

#23 Terer swimming

#24 meet Bunkface in person. Sam especially.

#25 Tengok teha kahwin. mehmehmeh :D

#26 mekap set. kalau dah wanita tu, wanita jugak.

#27 tons of perfumes

#28 Jumpa kak D. Murabbi pertama gua yg berjaya menjentik hati kental gua. rindu :'(

#29 Lesen motor

#30 Scrambler

#31 bonet kereta yang penuh dengan compartment utk letak kasut2 baju2. 

bukan penuh bunga macam cite Nora Elena tu. btw, I love when my car is my wardrobe.

#32 Someone who sings Have u ever really loved a woman by Bryan Adam. 

My future husband of course. haha

#33 anyone yg suke lagu2 The carpenters jugak, raised ur hand please. tgh carik partner-in-crime nih.

#34 build a house. utk jadi RI dan boleh wat macam2 daurah kat situ.

#35 Nanti kawin kenduri sama dgn abang. jimat.

#36 Hot chocolate *this just came up from my mind*

#37 Handbags

#38 Mini library. that filled with my own english fiction collection.

#39 Cooking books. craft books. religious books. books and books.

#40 get in front of the crowd. talk about what I love. what I know.

#41 Bungee jumping

#42 Jump from a heli with a parachute on

#43 Naik puncak kinabalu

#44 Kurussssssssss dan sihat dan bertenaga. hoyeah!

#45 Pergi 10km running event with bestie. or future hubby :p

#46 Panjat pokok manggis kt umah sampai atassssss skali.

#47 Ride scrambler sampai 140km/h. macam syiookkk jer.

#48 buat teha nangis depan aku sebab aku sweet sangat. Haha. 

*seems impossible much yet still possible to happen at normal human being*

#49 satu peti ais. penuh dengan ais. dan chocolate. dan anggur. done.

#50 scuba diving

cukuplah 50 malam ni. berejam perah otak.
kesemua impian tersebut tiadalah mengikut susunan dari terkecik ke terbesar.
semuanya bersepah. shuffle. besar kecik besar kecik.
ade impian yang dah tersimpan lama sejak mengenal dunia.
ade yg bru tercipta.
ade yg spontan dtg malam ni.

still, those dreams can still be changed literally from time to time.
as people's interest might change across time.

macam gua dulu suke sgt bende2 lasak sgt2,
berangan nak masok askar.
dpt msok PALAPES satu sem.
tros da taubat. bkn sbb kepenatan or tak tahan.
sbb unsur dalaman.
dan ia mengganggu keadaan iman aku yg turun naik,
dan mengganggu keje dakwah aku yg xkan pernah habis
yg paling utama tentunya.
dan aku yang masih belom yakin, ckup qawiy untuk menapis unsur2 jahiliyyah lama.
masih usaha membuang karat2 yg lama.
kan salah satu cara untuk berubah ialah...
Bi'ah solehah. iaitu suasana yg baik.
dan suasana dalam PALAPES tiadalah membantu.
huhuuuu.
bukanlah nk kata PALAPES tu xelok.
cume aku yang masih belom bersedia. huhu.
apa2hal pun everything depends on urself kan.


ok. bakal sambung lagi 50 pd masa lapang yg lain. InsyaAllah :)


p/s : save the biggest dream at the #100th wishlists.

Mohon. diTerima ya.

Maaf dunia.
maaf.

Sepertinyaaa semua post2 gua sebelum ni macam bermasalah.
penuh masalah.

kalau xder masalah bukanlah kehidupan, ye dok.

tapi, kerana ke'cengeng'an saya,
tertempias semua masalah di warkah maya ini.

ku pohon 10 jari kerana menyerabutkan mata kalian dgn post2 tersebut.

(itupn kalau ade yg baca) *tgn didada mata ke atas*

tapi

tapi

this is my blog. sukati la nak tulis ape.

tpi ingat, ALL of this aren't yours.
pinjaman semata yer.
satu masa yg pasti,
kita semua bakal menjadi tanah. debu. hancur. berderai.

so so so,
be mindful of others please :)

ok. lots of love.

me


p/s : uweeeeeeeeee. da lme tak menaip. kekontangan idea.

New years's eve. KONON.

gosh! 
mental block. seriously.


its examination week.
no. not week. examination month. 
n not to forget, weekend also.

and still have to go through this,
for the next 6 months.
and the next 6 months.
and the next 6 months.
and thats it.

itupn kalo xsambung ACCA ke master or CIMA or 
any other professional programs.


macam robot kan?
belajar belajar belajar.
exam exam exam.

at the end of the day,
nnti keje bukan kene dgn bidang yg tengah blaja sekarang.
frankly speaking, accountancy is not my passion.

for now.


maybe for the next 1 1/2 year, i might fall in love with it.
I might.


we never know what the future holds.
as me myself never hold my heart either.
Allah holds it. He holds.
mungkin ade sebab kenape masih xmampu mencintai bidang ini.

ataupun,

masih mencari potensi diri mungkin.


yes. indeed. 

am still searching. 

May Allah guides me.

dear family, friends, enemies, frienemies, 
all people around me...
help me. help me to find my own self.

fullstop.

p/s : permulaan 2014 yg xberapa nak baik. well January 1st is just a date aite, :')